How Can You Become A Facebook Fact Checker?

By now you must have heard about the greatest threat to the modern world. No, it’s not inflation, gas shortages, COVID, or even the war in Ukraine. It’s something much worse than anything Western civilisation has faced up until now.

It is a disease that endangers our democracy and poisons the minds of our youth; an insidious enemy lurking behind every corner. You are also powerless to do anything about it. Its name is ‘misinformation’.

As a grown adult, you may be capable of making life-altering choices like applying for a student loan or a mortgage, but do not dare to think that you are mentally capable of deciding what is true and what isn’t when it comes to navigating the online space. You can’t even be trusted with having an online opinion without some chaperon looming over your shoulder to make sure that what you have posted is politically acceptable!

As such, God has bestowed on us the internet censor, or what is more modernly known as “the fact-checker.” They are the only anointed entity capable of ascending to a new state of being, one in which they and only they can figure out if an internet opinion is really “true or not.”

But how can a puny mortal ascend to this level of supernatural demi-god-like power? How does one become a fact-checker and, unlike everyone else, not be taken in by the Luciferian curse of misinformation scourging the Earth?

Do these divine detectors of the truth go to university and undergo rigorous training? Do they prepare all their lives like a Shaolin monk to embark on this sacred path?

No. They pay $200. The heavenly IFCN, or the International Fact-Checking Network, is one of the big-tech partnered entitiesable to anoint these arbiters of veracity. Armed with a theoretically ‘diverse’ board of directors—and I stress the word ‘theoretical’ since they made sure not to include a single moderate amongst them or heaven forbid a right-winger—I have not found any evidence of the IFCN’s championing of the facts or liberty or freedom except in contexts where they want to restrict it. As such, every single member of the Church of Fact has strong political views, and this so-called political diversity ranges only from the far-left to the extreme radical-left, as anyone who reads their publications can attest.

Officially, the board members recuse themselves from voting on their own organisations, but there does not seem to be any mechanism of providing transparency to the public to show how this rule is being upheld. There also doesn’t seem to be any way for the public to appeal if they were to notice a violation, and even if such a violation existed and was made public, it wouldn’t have any legal ramifications as the IFCN is not a government body.

For applications submitted to the IFCN, one will undergo an “external assessment” based on one’s geographical region. By what criteria will you be evaluated? I am not really sure. But I am sure they have a rigorous process to make certain that you are capable of distinguishing between the truth and misinformation.

After all is said and done and you get the stamp of approval, you will now become an officially IFCN-rated Facebook Censor—a person who has transcended humanity to a higher state of being; a spiritual shepherd able to guide the rest of the human race through the internet. A safeguard of democracy.

But considering you have gotten this far, you do need to be a bit careful. You may, for example, make a mistake in claiming that the Biden laptop story is fake, thus having it removed entirely from social media. Such mistakes may even cause a 16 per cent electoral swing in favour of your preferred candidate. Whoops!

Well, don’t worry about it! 99 per cent of the time as an arbiter of veracity, you’ll be fine unless you censor someone actually important or with enough money to sue Facebook and cause a bit of a public relations problem. In that case, you may be submitted for a re-review.

So, how are fact-checkers made? With $200 and a history and background of complete allegiance to the official narrative, don’t you know! 

A Romanian persecuted for trying to put smiles on people's faces. Took over This Week in Stupid (TWIS) video series.

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