King Elon the First

All hail good King Elon, first of his name, he saved every one of us! O, all hail King Elon the First, Lord of Tesla, master of SpaceX, prince of the PayPal states. All hail the mighty Lord Musk, father of the Earth, emperor among men. For he saved every one of us!... Amen.

Comical hyperbole aside, Elon Musk has done this topsy-turvy world of ours a profound and meaningful service by taking Twitter out of the hands of insane leftists who hate men and capitalism and the West. By removing Twitter from the sickening grasp of subversive maggots like Parag Agrawal and Vijaya Gadde, King Elon has spared us from a continued deluge of hate and gaslighting.

Yet Twitter is much more than merely a platform for isolated and unhinged parlour room pinkos to discuss their backward nonsense. It is the world’s most influential social network and undeniably a type of digital institution. Twitter has enjoyed an utterly dominant position, a monopolistic position, for many years already. So the fact that during the latter Dorsey era it was completely and unashamedly given over as a tool for left-leaning censorship, increasingly banning or silencing more and more legitimate avenues of discourse. It became a delivery system and protector of evil. Something the globo-homo crypto-communist silicon valley mentalists were more than happy with. Something they would gleefully gloat about while goading anyone who had objections with the old adage, ‘build your own Twitter’.

Many serious and highly capable individuals and organisations did just that; they tried to build their own Twitter. They were, at every possible turn, aggressively baffled, maligned, character assassinated and generally thwarted in any way conceivable. Those with a vested interest—ideologically or otherwise—in Twitter were prepared to stoop to any level to undermine possible competitors. Classic wokism. Wokism 101. Pretend you aren’t filled with hate and resentment for the West, but simultaneously do everything possible to undermine and pervert it (whilst also gaslighting anyone who dares point out the vile tactics).

With no real possibility of an organic rival to Twitter being allowed to emerge, it appeared as though Twitter was just one more institution which had fallen hook, line, and sinker into the hands of implacable socialist race-baiters. Just one more vitally important element of western society that had been wrenched away from normal, reasonable people, and used as a device to further shut us down and grind to dust our will to resist.

So the revelation that well known gigachad Elon Musk was interested in buying a majority stake in Twitter was by turns both very interesting and mildly amusing. The world’s richest man—who just so happens to be significantly based—was actively messing with one of the main pillars of our enemy’s digital cathedral. What a jolly prank. The salty memes were gold dust. Salt futures went through the roof. 

Now, with King Elon the First having attempted a fully realised hostile takeover, and succeeding, the anti-Musk salt mining operations have been stepped up into overdrive. It’s great to see; all the right people losing their tiny minds. From Shaun King to Jameela Jamil. From Kathy Griffin to Mia Farrow. All those passive-aggressive moron self-hating lefty cretins that loved telling us to learn to code, or to simply build our own Twitter: all those enemies of freedom are now squealing like stuck pigs. Their screams are music to my ears. How funny, how uproarious that those very same scumbags have now mysteriously changed their minds and are now calling for regulation while bewailing the fact that such large private institutions are allowed to exist. Left-leaning free-marketeers transformed overnight into ardent supporters of anti-trust laws. Hilarious.

As Lord Musk himself pointed out, this particular takeover has revealed many of the anti-free speech swamp monsters. It really does seem like one hundred per cent of those who are angered and saddened by a decrease in censorship are those who wish the worst for human civilisation. The mask is off. They have revealed their real motivations; the silencing of decency, the crushing of political rivals, the annihilation of open discourse. Those that fear and loathe Elon’s purchase of the Twittersphere are nakedly revealed as enemies of the people.

On top of all this, King Elon the First seems like a totally reasonable bloke. Just a mega-rich dude who hasn’t drunk the woke kool-aid. Just a hard-working, ultra-successful entrepreneur who hasn’t sold his soul to the gods of wokism. A man who knows his own mind, who hasn’t bought the lies that are currently eroding and destroying the western world. Throw on top of that the fact that he has a healthy sense of humour, is partial to blazing the odd doobie, and has an optimistic vision for the future which is genuinely inspiring. Is that really too much to ask? A leader of men whose vision of the future isn’t utterly bleak and desolate? I think not. I’m happy to accept Musk’s de facto global leadership. It’s going to be orders of magnitude better than the likes of Gates or Bezos or Zuckerborg. Some of the SpaceX projects alone are enough for me to pledge my allegiance to Musk’s banner. The projects Starship and Starlink make me comfortable to bend the knee, to swear my fealty to a good and righteous liege-lord.

We are yet to know exactly what changes or reforms good King Elon’s ownership of Twitter will entail. He has said that he has no faith in the senior management team and their policies regarding censorship. To see him clear house, so to speak, to see him remove all the hateful little rats who have silenced legitimate dialogue for so long, who have suppressed the voices of untold millions of people for ideological reasons, would be a great boon to those who value the truth. I for one will be marching in Musk’s legions. I will list and fight the foes of freedom wearing a Tesla t-shirt and a SpaceX cap. So all hail King Elon the first. He saved every one of us!